beauty in the breakdown

i'm tough. i'm emotionless [and yet still too sensitive]. i'm obnoxious and loud and masculine and sarcastic and although all those words describe me completely i'm still so much more.

i'm really sensitive. i'm romantic. i'm creative and comforting and sincere and slightly obsessive in all the right ways: but only by myself.

i see all the things that girls say they want, and laugh at them because i know i'm good enough to just live my life the way i have been. because why do i want to throw myself into a relationship with someone and wonder if i'll ever get a chance to be with anyone ever again? why do i want to deal with all the drama that comes with having a boyfriend? why do i want to chance turning into what all of my once-close friends turned into when they entered the relationship?

and then you ask; why wouldn't you want someone to stop your nonsensical rambling with a kiss, or come to all of your shows just to get to say that they are with you, or to always do the opposite of what you say out loud because they know what you really want?

well, really, fuck all of that. if there's a single person i've ever had feelings for, i can only tell him this:

i wanna hold your hand.