Do you ever think to yourself...

"...if this doesn't happen, I don't know if I'll make it?"

It's exhilarating and crippling and horrifying and uplifting to have so much love and passion for something intangible. When you make it your personal mission to bring that, the idea, the thought to fruition you put so much of yourself into it that even the slightest bump in the road hits you like a knife to the chest.

That's where I am at this point.

My head is close to exploding with plans and thoughts and ideas and hopes and I thought I had found the perfect way to organize them and execute them and this past week, these next few weeks are going to prove trying on the will to do just that. I worry that now that I've finally gotten "serious" and am willing to drop my entire life to make this happen, that everything else I need to make this a reality will drop off into nothingness and I'll be left alone.

Well let's just open this up: I can't do this without you.
I can't do this without my friends.
I can't do this without myself.

So note to self: Carry on!

I find that when I get upset and frustrated I have a tendency to drop whatever I'm doing and work with my hands; draw something, paint something, build something. It's all in hopes to distract me from whatever is hurting, sometimes it helps. This time I decided to paint my first mural on one of the walls in my room. It has no particular purpose, and I'm by no means a visual artist. In fact, I've shyed away from graphic arts for most of my life because I really don't have any kind of gift for it, but hey, any excuse for me to play with paint.

Is there something intangible that you feel so passionate for you feel like the very thought of losing the ability to express it would destroy you? How do you keep on working towards your goals when it seems like you're on your own?

I could use all the advice I can get.


Shayna said...

Well I've never drawn a mustache on myself ;-) but I hear you --- I'm working on passing the CPA exam, and it's a daunting, exhausting, study-instensive process... which will end with either the letters after my last name or my death from exhaustion -- I kid (I think) - Loving your blog :-)