coming to terms and loving yourself.

I've been using the term "in retrospect" a lot lately. For a minute there, I thought I may have been backpedaling.

Thinking back to the person I had been over the last two, maybe three years, I can't help but laugh and be appalled all at the same time. Whenever I look back that far I see only someone with some very serious abandonment issues, and someone desperate to make a name for herself.

I don't miss it. It seems weird to me (and I'm sure to you) that all of my nonsense could be solved with six months of me-time. I was certain that I was just far too 'messed-up' to be fixable. Nowadays I'm very proud of who I am, and who I hope to become. I think I am slowly (and sometimes tentatively or hesitantly) taking the right steps to get myself where I'd like to be.

However, there are always those days where I worry I'm stuck in a personalized episode of the Twilight Zone and though I think I have reached some sort of 'plateau of normalcy' I really am just as crazy as when I started. That all of the soul-searching I tried to put so much stake into was really just an unfortunate roundabout.


...but you know what? At this point, I may just have to take crazy. Everyone's entitled a little bit of crazy. :)